The Ultimate Gift Guide for Men Who Hate Gift Guides
From kilts to pancakes: gifts that bond the fellas together.
Interviewer: [Prince] beat you in basketball, and then what happened?
Charlie Murphy: He took us in the house and served us pancakes.
-Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories (on playing basketball with Prince)
Even though I scraped the sesame seeds off the bread, I still claim that I’ve eaten a muffalleta.1
The famous New Orleans sandwich was a must-have during my first trip to The Crescent City. I’d been given a parcel of cash and a DIY travel guide from my best friend (a frequent visitor to the city). Even though he couldn’t travel with me, he ensured that my trip included him somehow. This handmade guide was his Christmas gift.
Ten years later, my fiancée gifted me a trip to a Coney Island banya with that same friend. Post-“schvitz and bitch,” we plotted my Bachelor Party—which, fittingly, took place in New Orleans.
See how two great gifts can bring everything full circle?
It’s December again, a time when my inbox explodes with e-blasts recommending the ideal gift guides for men. While I use—and actively enjoy—drinking whiskey, combing aromatic oils into my beard, and wearing watches that make me feel like a spy, it’s the time of year when I groan to an audience of no one (well, except all of you) over the five gift choices we suggest ALL MEN want stuffed into their stocking.2
While gift-giving has ancient roots, the modern, gender-targeted holiday gift guides began to take shape as early as the mid-18th century, when morality and strict gender norms were adhered to as spouses brought home holiday gifts. If wives gave gifts to their husbands, they were traditional, masculine emblems—pens, tobacco boxes, desk sets. A century later, in the post-World War II economic prosperity of the U.S., the rise of holiday shopping campaigns aimed at men often emphasized utility and reinforced traditional masculinity. But it was during the 1960s, where branded marketing campaigns doubled down on these binary gift options. Retailers and advertisers peddled narratives that positioned gifts as reflections of identity. For men, this often involved items like watches, whiskey, or leather goods, tying the products to ideals of sophistication, adventure, or productivity. With the popularity of mythical figures like James Bond and the Marlboro Man, these archetypes narrowed the perception of what gifts "fit" men, formalizing the categories we still see in gift guides today. Combined with the rise of catalogs and, later, online retail, the standardization of these guides became more pronounced, focusing on a specific set of goods each season.
As much as I embrace some of these clichés, what unsettles me about these gift options isn’t just their predictability. It’s the deeper message they perpetuate: a narrow vision of masculinity rooted in self-optimization and isolation as if the ultimate man sharpens himself in solitude.
If there’s a simple correction needed for my (~ahem~) approval, alongside a cool knife or other manly items, what if we prioritized creating shared rituals or moments of connection through the gifts we give our boys?
So, from me to you: the 2025 Other Men Gift Guide is here!
Patrick and Paul woke up one New Year’s Day to find themselves tagged in a Facebook post with a photo of themselves hugging. The problem—neither of them remembered the moment or who the hell they were embracing. What started as a sloppy New Year’s surprise evolved into a deep friendship, with the duo now exchanging homemade calendars filled with photos of themselves hugging. What’s your inside joke, ongoing text thread, most meme-able moment with your closest? Turn it into a calendar, postcard, or button. Don’t worry if you aren’t too crafty—my God, a million places’ll design it for ya.
These are the Palmieri brothers. They’re smiling because they have a night to themselves. Well, they probably had many nights to themselves as musicians and men about town, so let’s focus on their smiles.
Whether it’s your partner, best friend, or sibling, someone in your life is likely skipping much-needed social time because of home responsibilities. Offering to cover or pay for childcare, elder care, or even pet care will get that friend, spouse, or couple you love out of the house for that MUCH-NEEDED bonding time in their lives.
If discussing pornography isn’t a topic in your relationship, let me break it to you—the man/men in your life are probably watching it. While you can’t control someone else’s choices, opening up a conversation about ethical porn usage could be meaningful. Consider offering a gift like an OnlyFans subscription or another service that ensures performers are compensated fairly and treated ethically. Your gift could encourage more thoughtful consumption and support for the people creating the fantasies as an outlet for your partner (and maybe for you, too).
My friend, Liam, and I text each other when there are Blu-ray sales. Last week, I sent him a link to Vinegar Syndrome’s announcement about the release of Michael Mann’s The Keep on 4K [FILM BRO ALERT: ok, y’all, this 1983 misfire from Mann has, like, never been on DVD or Blu-ray before!]. Liam suggested we buy each other a copy. I don’t think that it would be a terrible idea if it offered us the chance to use it to keep in touch. Whether it’s film watching, online or in-person game nights, or season tickets to minor league matches, there is SOMETHING you can commit to with your closest—a simple gift devoid of wrapping that keeps the connections going while analyzing Michael Mann’s use of lighting and Ian McKellen with such an odd accent, but Gabriel Byrne’s performance on the other hand…(ok, I’ll stop now).
The Maasai men of East Africa don ceremonial Shukas and jewelry together before dances and celebrations, fostering deep camaraderie and shared responsibility. Scottish Highland clansmen once collaborated to fold and secure the "great kilt," a ritual of unity and heritage during gatherings. Medieval knights relied on squires to meticulously prepare their armor, with each piece symbolizing trust, readiness, and honor. Across cultures, dressing rituals have bonded men through connection, respect, and identity. Yet, when I got married and asked where I could get ready at the venue, the response was: "Oh, you boys only need five minutes to throw on suits before whiskey and cigars, amirite?"
North American men are screaming for meaningful traditions, such as the powerful markers of “suiting up,” with outlets like gangs or even The Proud Boys co-opting rituals for identity and tribalism (a topic for another day). Why not create your own? Splurge on a tailored experience for a wedding, team uniform fitting, or cosplay prep (I'll always recommend Natty Adams as my go-to tailor). If budgets are tight, give the guys some time to gather, talk, and imagine how they'd “knight” themselves for their occasion.
I often dream about a friend I’ve lost touch with—a separation that, while necessary, still stirs a longing tied to the memories he frequently shared of my father. If someone close to you has lost someone recently, you’ve likely reached out, but the real challenge comes a year or even a decade later, when support often fades. A simple text, a plan to meet for a drink, or just holding space to talk about their grief and the ghosts in their life can be deeply healing. We’re all busy and preoccupied—just put it on the damn Google calendar. But neglecting someone’s lingering sadness is far worse than setting a blunt reminder—“Text Blake on Tuesday about their brother.” A small effort can mean everything.
2024 will forever stand as the year I had my first colonoscopy. The highlight? After drinking enough Clenpiq to cleanse meals I’d eaten all the way back in college, Caitlin and I celebrated the next day with the most euphoric pizza throwdown of my life. Whether it’s a routine medical procedure or signing a lease, turn life’s mundane rites of passage into a personal triumph—channeling the swagger of someone walking free from their first mafia crime family trial.
Ok, hear me out.
Earlier this year, I spoke with writer and podcaster Jason Bailey about how he balances professional responsibilities with parenting and still finds time for a social life. Bailey shared that the weekly podcast he co-hosts and produces with lifelong friend Mike Hull, A Very Good Year, doubles as an excuse for them to stay connected. Research backs up this approach—men are more likely to socialize and meet their emotional needs through shared activities, whether sports, hobbies, or projects like podcasting. While some might roll their eyes at me suggesting the boys get together to start another podcast about movies, I’m all for “innocuous bro talk” if it means men have a reason to strengthen a connection (and for the record, A Very Good Year is excellent, with Bailey and Hull making thoughtful efforts to feature diverse voices in their guest lineup).
By this point, you’ve noticed a pattern with these gift suggestions. If it has to be whiskey this year, why not make it a tasting or class for two (or five), even if it’s virtual? Try a tea or tinned fish subscription if whiskey is not your thing. If a fella in your life has refined tastes, make sure he’s not doing it alone. Or, like Prince, you could always serve pancakes.
Adios, ciao ciao, byeeeeeeeee,
Mark✌🏼
Liked what you read? Click Share and/or the ❤️ button! It helps more people find Other Men and is a swell way to show your support.
An unfortunate allergy.
It’s YOU who has the dirty mind.