The most humiliating moment in my career

A reevaluation of success.

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We’re nearing the end of the year; a time when best of lists start forming in my mind. I’m not sure what ranking metric I’ll share later this year but I’m already swimming around ideas. Favorite new film of 2023? It might be Lola Quivoron’s Rodeo (technically from 2022 but distributed in the US this year).

Since the infectious TikToker opened up a chocolate factory around the corner from our house, I’d say my favorite viral sensation are the recipes from Ocky.

But the most impactful piece of media for me this year might star Michelle Rodríguez. And no, it’s not Fast X.

This year, Google Chrome contracted Rodríguez for a series of Chromebook ads highlighting their gaming options. The spot that I’ve rewatched the most sets Rodríguez on a film set where she plays a game on her device while an extra in zombie makeup tries to solicit career coaching from the star. The company created two versions—one in English and another in Spanish. The Spanish version is the one I’ve watched most (you can watch all 30 seconds here).

Interestingly, Rodríguez’s name is NOT accented in the English ad copy.

As you can hear, Rodríguez’s responses are somewhat Spanish 101. But the monosyllabic scripting is also a necessary part of the bit. When I first saw the ad, I had a quiet emotional response, followed by a rabbit hole of research on Rodríguez’s family background and any public appearances where she spoke Spanish.

All of this brought me back to the most humiliating moment I’ve experienced in my creative career.

In 2011, I was asked to do an interview on a nationally syndicated radio program (I’m keeping the name a secret—you’ll understand why shortly). I had spent the year at festivals with my short Raymond & Lina and the program wanted me to talk about the themes we explored in the film. With 12 months of promotion behind me, I was confident in my ability to talk about anything related to the film. But there was a catch with this interview—the whole conversation needed to be in Spanish.

Even though I infrequently heard it in the home and with family as a child, I only came to speak my father’s tongue with any comfort as an adult. Shades of Spanish exist in my body, but the fumbling with tenses, elongated pacing, and vocabulary gaps in my conversations with fellow Latinos (especialmente con mi gente caribeña) further blemishes the internal stains I feel in my diasporic identity. I would do anything to showcase a better ease with speaking Spanish and there are fewer career goals bigger than to make and talk about my work in the primary language spoken by half my family.

The radio interview I was asked to join would be recorded and aired within a week of my studio visit. The way I saw this invitation in 2011: I am showing up across the airwaves, talking about MY WORK in Spanish for the first time. It would be heard by thousands of people, including family members who I would notify near the airdate (“you, uh, may want to tune into 90.7 this Sunday at 10am—there’s a sorpresita you’ll wanna hear…”). I’d receive variations of bien hecho from Pagáns far and wide, followed by more invitations to speak on panels about filmmaking and social dynamics in multigenerational families (a theme somewhat explored in my film).

This was an invitation to prove my Puerto Rican identity to the world.

Like, no pressure or anything.

When I got to the studio, the host offered me an abbreviated outline of her questions. I was slightly anxious but felt I had translated my talking points into succinct soundbites leading up to my on-mic time. Her first question was an easy one:

[En español] Tell us about your film. What is it about?

I’d given this answer dozens of times—a painless on-ramp. Then, she went full throttle on me:

[En español] Your film examines the relationship between a grandfather raising his granddaughter. Talk to us about the current state of multi-generational families in North America and what social patterns occur for children raised in these sorts of homes.

I can barely offer a patina of insight on this conversation point in my naturalized English, let alone speak with any authority in my choppy mezcla of osmosed Latin American Spanish and Mid-Atlantic tongue. C’mon, loca!

I mean, I answered. If you could call it that. The remainder of the interview entered a pattern of deeply contemplative questions followed by responses from a guest who, at best, was impersonating Don Knotts in a sketch for a high school Spanish class.

To put it another way, I was flailing and failing in my quest to be Mr. Puerto Rico. The host had to spend half her time filling in the gaps of my vocabulary misses. We got through about ten questions and they cut the interview short and had me on my way.

Afterwards, I stood outside the studio in Washington, D.C. for 15 minutes and Ben Affleck smoked my way into further malaise.

My saving grace was that the interview was NOT live. I had that. Surely, the team would work wonders to make me sound reasonably intelligent in my second language. They deal with rough interviews all the time, right?

The airdate finally came and…radio silence, of sorts. The program re-aired an old interview. I stayed tuned in week after week and when I looked at their podcast feed, there was no mention of my appearance. I emailed the show booker and found myself ghosted out of any answers. After two months it became clear—they were never gonna air the interview. And they never did.

Over ten years later, when I caught Michelle Rodríguez pepper these Chromebook ads with her Spanish, I had this flashback followed by a bit of hope. While Rodríguez’s biography points to time spent in the Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico and an adult fluency with Spanish that I lack, she’s still a third culture kid. Her Spanish is accented by her upbringing in Texas and New Jersey. In interviews, her vocabulary, at times, feels tentative. And in her multiple Chromebook ad appearances, the lion’s share of scripted Spanish goes to Rodríguez’s scene partner (interestingly, there are multiple threads on places like Reddit trying to confirm who this actor is. The answer is still unclear but it is worth noting that the ads were directed by the talented Dime Davis of Abbott Elementary and The Black Lady Sketch Show fame.).

Is there a world where this commercial is Rodríguez’s peak? Sure. You’re witnessing that world here. The markers of success and labels surrounding canonized media should represent a wide spectrum. For a fellow third culture creative kid, my goal is is to make work and speak in Spanish comfortably. I’d trade so many other markers of success just to have peers hear me speak Caribbean Spanish convincingly—even if it’s monosyllabic and in conversation with a zombie. Coño, now that I think about it, that’s actually an ideal scenario. Ok, it’s official—these ads are peak Rodríguez.

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🏅 this week’s staff picks 🏅

🚻 Dolly Parton slightly eases up on her apolitical responses.

💃🏽🕺🏽 This year marks 30 years of one of my favorite hip hop songs—Souls of Mischief’s 93 ‘Til Infinity.

🎧 Anita Flores’ En Español is a moving, funny, and personal piece about the insecurities and beauty that exist in heritage language learning.

👔👗 Joe Bataan turns 81 next week and remains my aging style icon.

🎥 Need a legit Michelle Rodríguez film pick? Blue Crush is the bees knees in the Rodríguez canon.

(Pssst, want more film recommendations? Follow me on Letterboxd)

Adios, ciao ciao, byeeeeeeeee,
Mark ✌🏼

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